8 Ways Men and Women are Different


Lion pride memberships are determined by the females and it is only when new females are born or die that the makeup of the pride is altered. Most prides contain about five females, their cubs and one or two males. The females do most of the hunting in the pride because they are smaller, faster, and do not have the heavy mane that is both heavy and conspicuous.  On the other hand, male lions tend to be the more effective guardian of the pride against intruders. When male cubs reach maturity at the age of two or three, they are excluded from the pride by the females. The males then go and live their lives for a time on their own as nomads but often find other prides to be a part of another pride later in life. 

Female elephant groups are lived in a tight community of about ten. They are led by a matriarch (who is usually the oldest female) and when she dies her eldest daughter usually takes her place. Male elephants live a quite different life. As they grow, they are slowly moved out of the community (the women act aggressively toward them to hasten this movement). The males then go an either live alone or with other males.

Chimpanzees typically have a hierarchy where a dominant male is the highest-ranking male that controls and keeps order in the group. This alpha male charges at others to seem as threatening and as powerful as possible. Other males show deference by reaching out their hands and grunting. Female chimpanzees present their hindquarters. There is a hierarchy for females as well. 

I could give short overviews of the behaviors of males and females in countless other species. I wanted to start with these three examples simply to note that the animal kingdom has males and females and in almost every species there are genetic and conventional behaviors that dictate how these animals organize themselves.  

But somehow when it comes to humans, people get nervous talking about differences. There is a famous video of biologist who triggered students by stating that men and women are different sizes. But I think those students are not the mainstream. I think that, when really cornered, even the most dedicated feminist will acknowledge there are some differences. But when differences are noted, typically they are said tentatively and in very limited areas (size, reproductive organs, etc). Everyone gets uncomfortable when we start thinking in terms of social behaviors. Interactions between the genders. The sort of things we do with lions, elephants, and chimpanzees.

I would like to take a crack at it here. 

But let me start with this preface. Anytime you talk about the differences you are talking about generalities you have to first acknowledge that there are exceptions to the rules. For example, it would be a true statement to say that German Shepherds are bigger than Beagles but I have no doubt that if we searched the globe for German Shepherds that were particularly small and Beagles that are particularly large, we might be able to find a few examples of the opposite being true. If I say that women are smaller than men, I am speaking generally. I am fully aware that some women are larger than some men. What follows will be these sort of generalities. 

Why, you may ask, is this exercise worthwhile? Well, if you were going to buy a guard dog, you would want a German Shepherd (despite the fact that there are some particularly small ones that would not make great guard dogs) and if you were going to buy a small dog that was safe around strangers, you would want something more the size of a Beagle (despite the fact that there may be some particularly large and vicious Beagles that might not be great around strangers). The generalization is a short cut. Rather than having to buy a bunch of puppies and withhold judgment as to which one is your guard dog until they are fully grown, you can buy a German Shepherd puppy with some confidence that it will work (understanding that you might get unlucky and get a particularly small one). 

1- Physical Size and strength
In 2017, retired tennis great, John McEnroe, was being interviewed about the still active female tennis great, Serena Williams. He stated that she might be the greatest female player ever. He was then asked by the host if the qualifier, “female” was needed. His answer was that yes it was needed because if she played with men, she would be ranked 700. His response was met with widespread horror for stating that the greatest female tennis player could not compete with men. But the outrage is insane. Of course the greatest female player cannot be compared to men. This is the whole reason we have different categories for men and women in sports.  But in today’s world, this simple fact must be denied in the interest of gender denial and John McEnroe violated this agreed to rule.
I have started with what should be the least controversial difference between men and women: size and strength. Men are, on average, much taller (in the US the average man is 5 foot 10 inches tall and the average woman is 5 foot 4).  Men are able to run faster, throw harder,  lift more, and jump higher.
Is this an area of superiority for men? Not unless you assume that bigger is always better. The simple comparison of cell phones from the 1980s to today would tell us that there are times when smaller is better. The smaller size of women means that they require less calories a day (a great skill for survival). The smaller size of women means that they are more easily carried when injured (another good survival skill). And the smaller size is more aesthetically pleasing. Women are able to enjoy plane trips better than men. They are able to give the kids more room in the back seat. They are able to enjoy twin sized beds. In short, there are many many cases where being small is a good thing. There is no better. Sometimes it is good to be small and sometimes it is good to be large.
Understanding this difference is very important because there is a lot of danger in denying it. Feminists are upset that men think women should be protected. They laud movies where the female lead is able to karate kick men and dominate them physically. But if we start with McEnroe’s simple truth: women are physically much much weaker than men, we have to then build a society where men do look out for the physical well-being of women. Women need to be protected from male predators by giving them separate bathrooms, not letting them go out alone at night, not letting them go to places where they could be physically or sexually assaulted. 

2- Sexual Behavior
Well… women might say, that is a bunch of crap. Why should women be restricted in their mobility. Should we not just teach men that they should control themselves? The answer is that of course men should not assault women. Men that assault women should go to jail. Women never deserve to be raped or assaulted. The problem comes from the sort of immorality men have. When women are immoral, their immorality looks certain ways, when men are immoral, their immorality looks other ways. Immorality is always bad but it manifests differently for men and for women. And for men, that immorality manifests itself in creepy ways. Men are weird sexually when they get immoral. People talk about morality laws being meant to ‘oppress women’s sexuality’ but I am pretty convinced that morality laws are almost always there to stop men from being creeps. Immoral say creepy things,  stare at private parts, follow women, and make crude jokes. Immoral men that are also criminals take all of these things to the horrific next level by grabbing, flashing, and raping.  
There are plenty of immoral women out there but their immorality rarely manifests itself in this way. They might be promiscuous.  But rarely do they act in the particularly creepy way that men do.
Why is this so? Because inherently, men operate differently from a sexual standpoint. I remember an old sketch comedy from my childhood (I have been unable to remember what show or I would reference) that had a man and woman explaining the different sexual attitudes. The woman asked the man a series of questions. 

"Do you know me very well?"
"Not really," he responds. 
"Do you think I am attractive?"  
"Not really."
"Do you like my personality?"
"Not really." 
"Would you have sex with me?"
"Yes."
"Why?" 
"Because you said I could!" 

The bit was funny because everyone knows it is true. Men without the Christian sexual ethic, are happy to have sex with almost any woman who consents. In contrast, a woman is typically much much more picky. She requires a man with a good job, who is funny, and reasonably attractive. Often she wants more than a one-night stand. Despite 50 plus years of society telling women to be "sexually liberated" by rejecting the Christian sexual ethic and to act like men sexually, women still do not act the same. 

I explain why in this article but for our purposes, we can just admit this is true. 

3- Emotional stability
Every married couple realizes that at certain times of the month there are going to be different emotions, different family dynamics, and often more stress. My wife and I laugh about all our fights happening during this time period. This is basic knowledge. Now, I get that women do not appreciate men pointing to the monthly cycle every time they get mad or emotional but I think it is a basic and self evident fact that if you wanted to find someone that is going to be roughly stable in terms of emotions over the course of a month, you would choose a man not a woman.
Does this mean that men are better? No. We live in a culture where emotion is looked down upon and Spock-like calm is viewed as a good thing. If feminists were really pro-woman, they would argue that all this Spock like love for emotion free communication is silly. They would embrace the communication styles of more traditional ethnic societies and reject the English stoicism. I am not saying I agree with this but if they did that they might have a point. Sometimes having a burst of emotions is a good thing. Sometimes having someone that gets fired up about something helps move the family forward, forces issues that were once bubbling under the surface to the top, and keeps things interesting. For every Spock, you need a Dr. McCoy to keep things good. 
Men and women are different with emotional stability and that is a good thing. No one is better. No one is worse. But both are different. 

4- Emotional sensitivity
Jerry Seinfeild has a bit where he says to women, “I bet you would like to know what men are really thinking. Would you like to know? Alright, I will tell you. Nothing.” His joke is that men tend to be oblivious and take things as they are. This, of course, is a generalization (as everything I am writing here) but it points to another general rule. Women seem to be sensitive to how others are feeling and thinking in a way that men are not. Most kids know that when they are hurt or sick, they should go to mom, not dad because they will get more sympathy. 
Does this mean men are bad? Nope. Sometimes being numb to the emotions of others is a good thing. It is especially important in war or in business when hurting others (via guns or layoffs) is important for the common good. But neither is it bad for women to have this sensitivity. It is a beautiful thing that everyone around women appreciate. This is not a difference that is good or bad. The differences are just reality and they make the world beautiful.  

5- Communication capability
My wife and I often have the problem of her being able to tie multiple lines of thinking and conversation together in one conversation while I get lost if we get beyond one single line of discussion. This is true for men and women more generally. Women often get frustrated with men because men cannot tell what they are thinking. Men, if you come home from work, think your wife might be upset, ask her if she is okay, and she answers "I'm fine," please know that she is not fine. And she will be upset that you cannot tell that she is not fine. Women communicate well and want to communicate. Many married couples have problems when women insist on talking and men want to go back into their den and be alone. This general principles is seen clearly by watching how men and women talk on the phone. Men typically have terse and short conversations. One word statements and short phrases. Yes. No. I will pick you up. Okay. Bye. In contrast, women are comfortable with long conversations and rarely have such short interactions (especially with other women).  

6- Defensiveness
CS Lewis, in Mere Christianity, discusses the fact that mothers often are more defensive of the family. He notes that wives often think one of the primary problems with their husbands is that they do not stand up for their family enough. If someone slights the family (by rude behavior, a neglected invitation, or outright insult), the mother is prone to want the husband to stand up to the offending party. If a boss is rude, if a schoolteacher is gruff, or any other person besmirches justice and due respect, the mother tends to demand that the husband stand up for the family honor. On the other hand, the father tends to want to keep things as calm as possible and is only be prone to confront in the most extreme situations. Think about your typical family dynamics. How often does the mother ask the husband why he is not standing up for the family (versus the other way around)?  Again, this gender difference is a good thing. Both are needed. The husband is prone to allow every sort of slight. The wife is prone to jump on every sort of slight. The back and forth that often goes on in healthy marriages is a needed tug of war that prevents either extreme from dominating.

7- Ability to win arguments
One thing I council young men getting ready for marriage on is the ability to apologize quickly. Why? Because as every experienced husband knows, continuing a fight, especially when you have any fault at all (and sometimes when you have none) is a losing proposition. Wives have this amazing ability to not only win an argument but to leave a man bruised and battered as a result. I have never met a man that regularly wins arguments. And even when men win, they often find themselves regretting the argument. 
Women are better at family arguments than men are. It is like me playing Lebron James in basketball. I might get lucky and hit a shot on very rare occasions but the score at the end of the day will be very one-sided. 
So, what do we do with this one sided nature of male/female relationships? The answer is that we ask for mercy. The only solution is to appeal to a holy book. Women, respect your husbands. Please. Please. Without that, there is no hope for fairness in a marriage.
8 - Life Goals
HL Mechen once said, "Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on." Our society bemoans the lack of women in the sciences. Engineering schools wonder why they do not get more female applicants. In the corporate world, programs need to be pushed to recruit and promote women and still there are a surprising lack of women in the higher levels of the corporate world. Many assume that all these differences are due to some sort of structural sexism. But Steven Pinker, in The Blank Slate, argues that these differences are due to genetic differences. Women are certainly capable in these fields but choose to do other things. They prefer other fields. They prefer fields with relationships and social interactions. And they prefer to have children and while many enjoy working, they tend to place a much heavier emphasis and to get purpose from things outside of work. It is not that there is structural sexism but that men and women choose different fields by free choice. Jordan Peterson has a famous video explaining this that you can watch here

So, in these seven areas and probably hundreds more. The faster our society stops being so afraid to acknowledge that there are inherent and genetic differences between men and women (as there are with lions, elephants, and chimps), the sooner we stop trying to force men to act more like women and women to act more like men. And the sooner everyone will be happier.

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